Sorry for the lack of real blogging lately. With two final papers, a skit in Japanese, a presentation, and my thesis to work on, along with plotting logistics for Ireland and beyond, things have been a little hectic. (Speaking of that: I have two housing options, one of which would save me from having to buy any kitchen stuff. We’ve charted our itinerary for the vacation afterward, which includes London, Paris, a quick stop in Stuttgart to see the Porsche factory, Munich, and Copenhagen. I am pretty much giddy about all this.)
But today marked my last day of classes and work, which has given me time to process what exactly is happening, and leading, inevitably, to my first graduation-related breakdown.
It began at work. Today was my last day at the job I’ve had since I was a freshman. I had to put all my projects onto a thumb drive for my replacement and then delete myself from the server. As someone who keeps the pictures on her camera until they’re backed up in at least two other locations, this was extremely challenging for me, especially since this is my folder with my name on it.
An hour later, I left for my final class and ran into Chloe. Chloe’s a freshman, and she is one of the sunniest and most capable people I’ve ever met. Even though she’s probably just as busy as the rest of us, she greeted me with a huge smile and a “Hi! How are you?” I told her things were a little weird, with my last class for the foreseeable future beginning in two minutes, and then I realized just how awesome Chloe was and how sad it was that we hadn’t hung out more. Hopefully she’s coming over tonight, so we can at least remedy some of that.
Then I went into the building and ran into Brenda, the professor, as she was leaving her office. I’m the only senior in this class, and I had to skip on Tuesday to finish my thesis, so she knew how things were going. She smiled and asked very kindly, “How are you doing?”
I jokingly said, “I don’t know, I think I might cry” – and then I started crying. I apologized and booked it for the bathroom, but she called me back and ushered me into her office. She hugged me while I blubbered apologies and tried to explain how I had just realized I haven’t spent nearly enough time with a very cool person, and I’ve just clocked out on my last paycheck, and even though I have a truly astonishing four months lined up, I’m saying goodbye to a lot of people and places who have been incomparably meaningful to me. So she squeezed my shoulders (after confirming that it was okay for her to hug me, since she knew some people didn’t really appreciate it – I told her it was exactly what I needed) and told me to take a few minutes and come back whenever I was ready.
Whew. So that was fun. But I think if I had to cry in front of any faculty member, it would be Brenda. She’s indisputably one of the most caring professors I know, and even though this class was our only real point of interaction, she knows I’m friends with Tess and I know she thinks Tess is pretty much a deity.
At any rate, I recovered, and we spent class outside on the grass. And now I’m listening to the new Carbon Leaf CD, and things are generally going well.