My sister is fabulously trendy, so I went to her with my skinny jeans problem. I sat on the floor of her room, holding my boots, while she studied me from her desk chair.
“Okay, so I tried it with the cuffs folded up like this – ”
“Try it with just one, leave the other down.”
After much shuffling and folding and stuffing and tugging, the boots were on, and I stood up.
“See? The knees are all poofy.”
She nodded. “They’re too big. You want to go down a size.”
“Really? Because the butt fits fine – ”
“The waist is too big.”
“The waist is – okay, yeah, it’s a little loose, but I could wear a belt.”
Head shake. It is sort of familiar – I think it’s the kind of head shake I give Jessica when she gets overly excited about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. “You need to go down a size. What brand are those?”
“Um – See-Thru Soul? I’ve never heard of them.”
“Yeah, that’s a brand from the junior’s section. You want to get a good brand, because otherwise they’ll stretch out and be all saggy and annoying. Look for Seven or Page, or maybe True Religion* but they’re more expensive – ”
“More expensive than Seven?!”
*I actually forgot the brands she’d suggested, so I went back and asked her:
“Well, any designer jeans – Seven, Page, True Religion, Hudson – ”
“Okay, okay. How much will those cost at the Rack?”
She thinks for a minute.
“Less than fifty?” I ask hopefully. She shakes her head.
“I don’t want to really invest in them because they’re kind of trendy, you know?”
“They’ve been around for five years.”
“What?? They have not.”
“Well, they’ve been popular for about three years – ”
“No way. Maybe like…a year and a half. Two.”
The skeptical smirk.
“Ugh. Fine. Okay.”
“Well, you could look for other brands, but make sure they’re not too stretchy – ”
“They have to be sturdy otherwise they’ll stretch out – ”
So now I’m sitting here in my pajamas, finally coming to terms with the fact that I’m just not that fashionable. I’m definitely not going to pay more than $50 for these things, not unless I look more fabulous than I’ve ever looked before and/or Daddy Likely takes a trip to the future to assure me that skinny jeans will still be popular in three years.