sports announcers are a strange breed.

“And with a snow angel, he saves it! Mastodonic.”

I wasn’t really paying attention to the game. It’s NHL playoffs season, but the Sharks weren’t playing, so I was tuned out. I was posting photos on Facebook. But “mastodonic” isn’t a word you hear often, and I wasn’t going to let it slide.

“Wait, what?”

Kevin grinned. “Yeah.”

“No, wait, did he – mastodonic?


I just stared at him, waiting for an explanation. “Okaaaay. Why?”

Kevin just started laughing. “He’s a big guy!”

“Okay, but how big? Is he like that one guy who’s six foot nine? Is he huge? What? What is the deal?”

Kevin just kept laughing, obviously unaware that the use of the word “mastodonic” was currently causing me a good deal of distress (or, more likely, enjoying it). But it was like hearing Bill and Ted try to teach a science class, or deliver the State of the Union. It was like hearing Bill Nye comment on sports. It was not okay with me.

“Mastodonic? Why mastodonic?”

Kevin was still laughing. “Look, he’s a crappy LA announcer! What do you want from me? The Sharks wouldn’t say something like that!”

Well, turns out an official definition of mastodon is “a person of immense size, power, influence, etc.” So…I guess it turned out to be a learning experience.

I still think it’s weird.


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