Having a steady income is intoxicating. I’ve always been pretty good at saving, but that doesn’t stop me from dropping what probably amounts to too much cash at Borders or Cost Plus World Market every few weeks. (I use coupons!) If Salem had an Ann Taylor Loft, I’d probably be in a lot of trouble, but as it is I haven’t gotten any clothes besides a couple new t-shirts since we moved here. Call it compulsive – I call it retail therapy, and it’s perfectly under control, thank you very much. I still avoid buying jeans that cost more than $40.
Last weekend, though, I had an experience that almost drastically derailed my barely-contained thriftiness. Kevin and I got to hang out with Tess, who is now a lighting designer with a social life I would like to hijack, and she took us to a glamorous bar in Ballard. It’s the kind of place with exposed brick walls, minimalist art, and dim lighting that makes everyone look and feel instantly sexier. When faced with a delicious list of $4-5 happy hour items, we promptly ordered everything plus an overpriced drink. We feasted on hummus, pulled-pork sliders made with coffee BBQ sauce, and fries with white truffle aioli. Yeah, read that again. White truffle. AIOLI. It makes “Iron Chef” a completely different viewing experience. We sat on low padded leather seats over an artistically distressed-finish table sipping our drinks, and it was awesome.
In fact, it was so awesome I’m having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I can’t do something like that every night. You mean my real life isn’t going to magically transform into “Confessions of a Shopaholic?” I can’t spend upwards of $30 a night on fancy food? Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark will never be sitting at the bar, waiting to buy me a drink? (Hey, if we’re going for fantasy lifestyles here, we might as well go all-out.) Alas. It helps, though, that Salem has a total of two classy bars. Self-restraint is much easier in the absence of temptation.
However, that night in Seattle made me dream about all the things I could spend money on if I was the kind of person who frequented urban bars. A massive TV! Trendy heels! Vintage cocktail dresses! A self-cleaning litter box! All my fantasy shopping online at Anthropologie and Nordstrom could become real. And I decided that this could make for an entertaining blog column. My overall theme is finding little ways to make real life less lame, and some weekly good ol’ fashioned fantasy shopping seems to fit the bill. In order to keep this column from being overpopulated with everything I like on Etsy, I’ll try to spice it up with some ridiculous technology and glam fashion, maybe an island mansion or two. Like…all of Dubai. Or that house where the filmed the final scene of “Casino Royale.”
To get the show on the road (pun totally intended), let’s check out Mansory’s blingtastic Bugatti Veyron.
It’s about a classy as a gold-plated, $1.7 million dollar, land-speed-record-setting car can be. If Batman trashed his Murcielago (oh wait, he did), I would submit this as an appropriate replacement. Other possible uses:
-as a set piece in a rap video
-shuttling Bill Gates back and forth between his bedroom and bathroom
-Kanye West’s car for when he doesn’t want to draw attention (it wouldn’t get much use)
-Leno can race it against the “Top Gear” guys in a desperate bid to save NBC’s ratings (or to please all 50 BBC America viewers)
Or we can think of some better uses for $1.7 million:
-dig 377 wells in Africa
-send 4,047,619 letters to all your friends you said you’d keep in touch with
-buy 113,712 copies of “The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest” when it finally comes out in paperback (I don’t even know when that is and it makes me very nervous)
-reduce MGM’s debt to around $3.9 billion
Any other ideas? Is this car super-hot or a total waste of resources and your precious reading time?