I hate sandwiches.
I came to this realization while running through my mental checklist last night. What are you wearing tomorrow? Blue top, gray pants, new scarf. What jewelry are you wearing? No necklace, stud earrings. Do you have to get up early to shower? Nope. Did you feed the cat? Yes. Is the TV off? Yes. Have you finished your grad school apps yet? No, okay, no, I am working on it. What about that job you were supposed to apply for? I’m getting there. And do you know where you’re getting married yet? Maybe! Leave me alone. What are you going to have for lunch? Uh…
(My mental checklist is a real downer.)
Yesterday I had leftovers, and we didn’t have any more of those. The noodle bowls are a little pricey so I try to limit those to one per week. Which meant…sandwich.
I don’t hate all sandwiches – BBQ pork sandwiches, panini, anything from Sandwich Express, those are all great. Post-Thanksgiving turkey sandwiches with cranberry sauce and post-Christmas ham & cheese sandwiches are the best. The sandwiches that make me cringe are the sad, soft, brown-bag-lunch sandwiches.
I don’t know where this sandwich-phobia started, but boy, is it deep. It seems like no matter what condiments or lunch meat you use, your sandwich is always going to taste pretty much the same. I feel like I’ve been eating the same sandwich since 8th grade. Plus the prep time for a sandwich is somewhat longer than your average Cup O’ Noodles:
1. Get out bread
2. Slice cheese
3. Pick up flung scraps of cheese from floor before the cat eats them
4. Arrange feeble cheese slices on bread
5. Throw useless cheese slicer in dishwasher
6. Add deli meat
7. Rinse meat juice off hands
8. Extract single leaf of lettuce
9. Rinse lettuce because it had a scary dead bug on it earlier
10. Shake lettuce dry thoroughly to avoid making sandwich any squishier (note: this should take approximately 82 seconds)
11. Shred lettuce into sandwich-sized pieces
12. Slice sandwich in half
13. Put sandwich in Tupperware
14. Watch the unrestrained sandwich slide apart in its container
15. Drop in lunch bag anyway because now you’re late and you haven’t brushed your teeth yet
So how can you make your sandwich more awesome, or at least less soul-killingly boring?
-Bring a panini press to work
-Use 42-grain, cinnamon-raisin, or unleavened bread
-Drizzle with hot sauce instead of mayonnaise
-Fill it with french fries
Okay, how about some realistic suggestions? I’m thinking more ciabatta and more exciting cheese, and maybe a dollop of creamy Caesar dressing every once in a while. What do you guys do to improve your lunch routine?