how i slept last night*

9:55 – cat falls asleep on feet

10:02 – I move feet, readjust blankets

10:04 – cat falls asleep leaning against legs

10:06 – this is actually tolerable, so I do nothing

10:09 – cat starts taking a bath. SHLURP SHLURP SHLURP.

10:10 – I nudge cat with feet, cat stops

10:12 – cat resumes bathing. SHLURP SHLURP SHLURP.

10:13 – I stick feet under cat and wiggle furiously

10:14 – cat just lies there, because she is the laziest cat

10:15 – I give up, cat resumes bathing SHLURP SHLURP SHLURP

10:16 – I push cat off bed

10:18 – I realize cat will probably come back in and start the whole thing over, so I get up to close the door

10:25 – the cat starts scratching at the door

10:27 – I decide to put in earplugs. Too bad I no longer have any on my nightstand (and by “nightstand” I mean “Rubbermaid storage box”)

10:28 – I find earplugs in the bathroom and return to the bedroom, where Kevin asks if I can open the window a crack because it’s a little stuffy.

10:30 – Window opened. The blinds won’t close.

10:32 – I end my battle with the broken blinds and leave them gaping and crooked because I just want to go to sleep

10:33-5:55 – sweet, precious sleep, only occasionally interrupted by the fact that these earplugs kinda hurt


5:56 – out come the earplugs. Out in the hall: “MROOWW scratchscratchscratch MROOWW scratchscratch

*Yes, we are old people who go to bed around 9:30. This works well for Kevin because he could sleep through an asteroid impact, thus he gets his full 8 hours of sleep.  For me, The World’s Lightest Sleeper I Am Not Even Joking You Have No Idea, it gives me the opportunity to probably get between 6 and 7 hours, hence resting me up enough to resist the urge to break my cell phone/alarm clock in half and sleep until 9:30.

2 thoughts on “how i slept last night*

  1. You have no idea how much I identify with this- my boyf could sleep through an apocalypse while I wake up for every crash noise made by our cats in the living room. When they’re not destroying the apartment, they’re yanking the bedroom door handle down and yodeling. And if they do sleep, they wake up at 4 am and of course wake me up too.

    I really can’t remember the last time I had a continuous night of sleep.

    • Oh yikes! I guess we’re lucky that our cat is overall too dumb to figure out doors – that’s one potential disruption off the list!

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