I’m beginning to wonder if spending time online is giving me a personality disorder.
I have two Facebook accounts: one for my college and high school friends, and one for work and “the real world.” I do not swear or talk about nerdy movies on the “real world” account. I don’t take “which Harry Potter character are you” quizzes. I don’t write in all caps. I share politically-correct links and videos involving puppies and converse politely with my mother and former professors.
This blog used to be connected to the “real world” Facebook, but once I started blogging about work more, I figured I’d better separate them a bit. Usually, when I link here from Facebook, it’s on my old account. Even then I don’t advertise my blog much on Facebook, because I don’t want to seem like I’m flaunting anything. (I realize this is silly, because the entire point of social media is to talk about yourself all the time, but I’m self-conscious like that.)
My Twitter account is connected to this blog, and I think of all my Internet “outlets,” I feel most comfortable on Twitter. It lets me keep in touch with my friends, and make new ones, even better than Facebook. I can comment on geeky movie casting and rant in all caps and compare bra cup sizes to Starbucks cup sizes – but I still avoid swearing, because now my Twitter shows up here and on Average Fantastic and I don’t want to seem uncouth. Heaven forbid anyone should suspect that a young woman who went to college and likes action movies and plays video games should use inappropriate language when she’s irritated about something.
Then I go back to pondering the real purpose of this blog – is it about work? My cat? Writing? Fashion? Movies? Food? Books? Music? I like all of these things, but they don’t play constant roles in my life, so I can’t write consistently about them. Well, I could probably write consistently about work and the cat, but that would be boring and I would hate myself.
So, can I write about each of these things individually on a semi-regular basis? Probably. But will I lose readers? Will I attract people who are only interested in one facet of me? Can I produce enough material often enough? Should I start separate blogs for all of the things that interest me? (Dear God no, scratch that.)
And how does this all help me, Laura, age twenty-three, planning a wedding, applying to grad school, aching every day for more time to write the things she likes writing, to travel, to spend more time with the people she loves? And which “me” is the one that’s going to show up online?
I guess it all goes back to the fact that I (apparently) worry way too much about what people think of me.
Now that I’m a co-writer on a damn body image blog, on which we talk about how awesome we all are just the way we are, you’d think I would have come to terms with the fact that it shouldn’t matter at all what people think of me. It doesn’t.
So why am I so schizophrenic when it comes to social media? How do I get over writing to please readers and start writing for myself?