I’m not the healthiest eater. It’s not for lack of trying – we almost always have a fruit or salad with dinner, we drink 1% milk, and we eat lean meat, whole-grain pastas, even a butter substitute. Sometimes, though, a few things slip through because they’re just too darn delicious to give up.
1. Tostitos salsa con queso. I’ve never been brave enough to look at the nutritional information – I’d rather not ruin it for myself. I don’t want to confirm my suspicion that this isn’t actually made with cheese, and I don’t want to know how much smaller than the half-jar we usually consume is the proper serving size. I don’t care that it’s the most inauthentic food item on the planet. I don’t care that it’s nuclear orange. I just want to shovel it into my belly in all its warm cheesy glory, riding on salty strips of tortilla chip.
2. Shortbread. This has been ruined for me a couple times, but each time, I stick my fingers in my ear and go “la la la” until I get hungry enough to free one hand to eat another slice. How bad is shortbread? Any given slice is about a third butter. Just butter. In a stick. With some sugar. Maybe some bits of almond if whoever made it was trying to prolong their lives by a few days. And it is the best thing.
3. Ben & Jerry’s. There was one shining moment in college when I did, in fact, eat an entire Ben & Jerrys in one night. I’ve never done it again because it’s gross and kind of a waste of money, if you think about it. Those things aren’t cheap! Now I only eat half at a time. Ben & Jerry’s in and of itself isn’t really a guilty pleasure, because come on, it’s ice cream, and all things are fine in moderation. It’s the moderation part that makes me want to go to confession.
4. Tropical juice blends that only have 10% juice. This one more of a straight-up mistake than a guilty pleasure because I usually don’t look at the juice content until I’m mixing it up, at which point I feel guilty and regretful. Still, I oughta pay more attention. If that morning glass of juice doesn’t actually contain a serving, it pretty much defeats the purpose of drinking juice – plus it uses up precious calories that could be consumed in something awesome, like #3.
5. Storebought frosted sugar cookies. You know the ones – cookies so soft they seem underbaked topped with half an inch of technicolor frosting and festive sprinkles. Oh man. Every holiday is an excuse to scarf some down: Fourth of July, Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, St. Patricks Day, and probably a few others that grocery stores made up just to sell more plastic boxes of colored sugar.
Et vous? What are your gourmet guilts? Your refreshment regrets? Your snacking shames? Your munchie mistakes? Your culinary confessions? Your…all right, I’m out. Your turn! Allons-y!