Each Goodnight

erasure_yeahwrite2

[Image: page 1 of “State Change” by Ken Liu. Most of the text has been blacked out. The remainder reads:

Every night there were two,
one and one refilled
life and soul
the chorus of touch
kept open
held close]

This is an erasure poem, and this is what that is. The original text is below:

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Perennial

I did a double-take when the girl entered the grocery store. I was tall for a girl, and she was a foot taller than me, with ropy-muscled limbs and bulky shoulders. Did they let teenagers get mods now?

She caught me staring and I busied myself arranging the day’s fifth bouquet of roses. With a basket looped over her bare arm, she wove through the produce section, glancing frequently toward my booth.

I finished the bouquet and started the next, shooting my own furtive glances in the girl’s direction. She looked too young to drive, but strong enough to lift a truck. A handful of students in my cohort had mods, but they were either high school graduation gifts or school-funded athletic exemptions. Jenna Hartley had gotten modded when she made dance captain, but what Malibu Glow™ skin and enlarged irises had to do with dance team had always escaped me. This girl, with muscles and stature like that, must be a star athlete, maybe even an international competitor.

Bouquet six of fourteen; not even halfway done. I’d snapped myself with those little green rubber bands at least once per bouquet, and the wastebasket under my register was filled with roses that had lost or bruised petals or broken stems. I was trying to ignore them; their value would be deducted from my wages.

She’d wandered closer, her gaze fixed on the flowers. “Can I help you find something?” I asked.

“I can never remember the name of these.” Her hands were hooked in her belt, as though she could prevent them wanting to roam. “I know they’re called Peruvian lilies, but they have another name, too.”

“Alstroemeria.”

“That’s right.” She fidgeted with her belt loop. “They’re so pretty; I can’t believe they’re just filler flowers. Do people ever just buy them?”

“Sometimes. Mostly people just want roses – if they’re feeling adventurous, variegated roses.”

The girl grinned. At last, she reached out: one sturdy finger caressed the edge of a shiny leaf.

“Want to take some home?”

“Oh, I can’t.” She gazed toward the roses. “It’s so hot today – I just wanted to be somewhere air-conditioned for a bit.”

“Let me guess, after-school sports?”

“I wish. Work. I load trucks at the bakery.” Her broad shoulders shrugged. “And then I missed my bus, so I had to walk here.”

“Bakery…Past North Bank?”

She tucked her thumbs back into her belt as she bent over the canary-yellow roses. “That’s the one.”

My fingers fumbled and the green rubber band shot somewhere under my register. “You walked seven miles to get here?”

“It’s not so bad. My mom’s place is nearby.”

A teenager with heavy-duty mods, a factory job, and only one parent – she’d be too embarrassed to say so, but this girl was in ULI. Urban Labor & Improvement mods were granted under specific circumstances and with labyrinthine conditions. One or both of this girl’s parents were either dead or in so much debt that their only solution was to enroll their daughter in a government work program and have her transformed into a machine.

“None of the other grocery stores have a floral department like this,” she added. “I wanted to work in a florist’s or a nursery when I got modded, but the only options were heavy labor stuff.” She shrugged again. “Don’t really need Flexx or SteelSkel to arrange flowers.”

When Jenna got modded, she kept her muscles delicate and trimmed her waistline to a permanent nineteen inches. On campus, she always wore crop tops to show off her exaggerated hourglass figure. This girl weighed as much as two Jennas and had had her future rebuilt by ULI before she could even draw up her own plans.

I bent down and plucked a yellow rose out of the wastebasket. Its stem was intact, but many of the outer petals were bruised. I plucked off the most damaged petals and held it out to her.

“I can’t pay for that,” she whispered, her cheeks going pink.

“It was going to be thrown out. I’d rather it go to someone who appreciates it.”

“I have to walk another mile, and it’s hot out.” She was backing away, her huge frame seeming to shrink.

“Just put it in water first thing. Anyone can arrange flowers,” I said, “but someone strong has to get the roots in the ground first.”

She stretched out one hand. “Will it be okay?”

“You’d be surprised what thrives.”

Finally, she took the flower, smiling. “Thank you.”

Finch Forgives

“Hello, Finch! It’s Jay!”

“Why are you here, Jay?”

“Can’t an old friend drop by? I just wanted to see your nest!”

“Last time – and the time before that – you stole all my food.”

“Yes, but you forgive me, right?”

“You’re forgiven – but you may not come near my nest again.”

Forgiveness doesn’t require reconciliation.

unsplash-logoVittorio Zamboni

To Your Health

The science officer and her aide came to my office late in the cycle, past 14th hour. Normally I wouldn’t take meetings that late, but there was something stilted and overly formal in Doctor Palu’s request that put me on edge.

I re-read her message while I waited, trying to keep the anxiety in my gut from spreading. Was it the nature of this job to always be worried, or was it just part of getting older? Even on Earth it seemed like there had always been something keeping me up at night, and that was before I had two dozen lives relying on me.

They entered my office exactly on time. Palu gestured to Dom, who was trying to pretend the crate he was carrying wasn’t too heavy for him. He slid it onto my desk with a grunt.

“Doctor, you know my birthday’s not for another two months.”

Palu’s arms were tightly folded. “Open it.”

I stood and took off the crate’s lid. Inside was a dented rectangle of mesh that looked horribly like…

“Is this a water filter?”

“This is the water filter, Jessica.” Palu’s jaw was tense. No wonder her message was so carefully worded: there’d be panic if the contents of this crate were publicized.

“What happened to it?”

“Tell her, Dom. It’s all right.”

The aide glanced at her and cleared his throat. “It was George. He had an idea for increasing efficiency that required putting a special coating on the filter. None of the usual techs were available, so he tried to do it himself.”

“He told me it hadn’t broken the first time he’d dropped it,” Palu said sourly. “Not that that excuses it.”

“And the backup?” I asked, heart pounding. My voice held steady, miraculously – of all the crises a space station could endure, running out of water was the worst.

“Contaminated. Technically that one’s the backup – the original failed during construction of the second ring.”

“That was weeks ago!”

“We don’t have the solvent to restore the original filter. It’s scheduled to arrive on the next resupply shuttle, along with two more filters, but…”

“They’re four cycles out.” I sighed. “What are our options?”

“Rationing,” Palu said promptly. “We have to be careful, though: too conservative and we cause panic, too light and we run out of water before the shuttle arrives.”

“Right.” I stood. My fear throttled down to standard anxiety. “’The water filtration system is undergoing maintenance to improve efficiency’ – it’s more or less the truth. I trust you to establish the ration amounts.”

Palu nodded. “We’ll have the numbers later tonight.”

“What will you do about George?” the aide asked. It was the first time he’d spoken since Palu had ordered him. Clearly George was his friend, and he’d been gathering the courage to ask about his fate.

A brief glance at Palu told me what she would like to do with George. I smiled at Dom. “I’ll have a talk with him. Do you know where I can find him?”

#

George was sitting in the far booth in the commissary. His face was blotchy, his eyes swollen. In front of him sat a can of fizzy grape-flavored vitamin beverage, something concocted by the nutritional biochemists.

“Drowning your sorrows?” I asked.

He jumped. “Ma’am?”

“Drinking. It’s a joke. A bad one, obviously.”

“Oh, no, it’s not open, ma’am. I thought…maybe I should save it.”

I sat down across from him. “There’ll be plenty of water, George.”

“I knew the shuttle was coming,” he said desperately.

“Keep your voice down,” I replied, smiling. The commissary was practically empty this time in the cycle, but it was a small station.

“I knew if something went wrong,” he continued in a no-less-suspicious whisper, “the shuttle would have fresh supplies, and everything would be fine.”

I gestured at the view outside the porthole: blackness, a distant star, and the ochre curve of our uninhabitable anchor planet. “’If something went wrong’ is not a viable experimental parameter up here. There’s too much at stake.”

“I couldn’t – ” George was a smart kid; that’s why I hired him. He knew defending himself was moot and now he ought to listen. “I’m sorry, ma’am. It won’t happen again.”

“Wait to work with the staff next time you have a great idea,” I said. “We have plenty of time for innovation, just no time for disasters. Okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I stood. My anxiety hadn’t disappeared, but it diminished; that was good enough. “Cheers, then.”

 

Photo by Nick Cooper on Unsplash

The Possibilities of Stars

When I most need light, it’s a night sky that comforts me. Look up: see that matrix of stars, the spaces between? Empty or burning, there’s purpose – and therefore possibility. One more candle of hope kindles whenever I look up.

Flowing Water and a Moonless Night

Bee had hiked along the creek before. Her aunt and uncle weren’t particularly adventurous, but they took her hiking whenever they happened to go, and they didn’t mind if she went out on her own, as long as her homework was done.

They might have minded her hiking by the creek now, given that it was almost midnight on a moonless night, but the Remnant man only came to the creek on such nights, and she couldn’t afford to wait another month.

But he wouldn’t show himself. She’d already walked all the way to the falls and back. Bee didn’t think there was an incantation to summon him – besides, the way he’d been described, the Remnant was bored and wanted a job.

Well, Bee had a job, all right, and she’d even brought the puzzle he demanded in payment. “He’s craftier than the other Remnants,” Grandma Margaret had said. “But he’s good at what he does – when you’ve got a real complicated problem, well, that’s a whole ‘nother thing.”

“Need something?” a voice grunted from the darkness. Bee froze.

“Wholenuther?” she asked timidly.

“That’s me. Expecting someone else out here?”

Bee stepped closer. The man was seated lounged against a tree. Her flashlight’s beam fell on his worn face, casting harsh white light on his hawkish silhouette. He wore a heavy wool coat and a cap that reminded her of Ireland.

“Which Conjunction are you from?” she asked.

He turned his head slightly, one wiry eyebrow raised. “They finally start teaching kids about us?”

“My parents taught me.” The flashlight wavered slightly and she gripped it tighter. “Answer my question.”

“Fifth,” he grunted, “when kids weren’t so rude. Who are your parents?”

Fifth. Her knees felt like water. That meant Wholenuther was over three thousand years old. “They study the Conjunctions.”

“And they let you wander the woods at night, looking for Remnant?”

“They’re missing. I need you to help me find them.”

He finally turned to face her. He looked weathered, but not like the wizened sage she’d imagined most Remnant resembling. Wholenuther looked eerily human.

“Sorry, kid,” he said finally. “I’m taking this century off.”

“This – century?”

“Sure. I’ve been real busy the last few hundred years.” He scratched under his cap. “Need some time off, understand?”

“An entire century? This’ll only take, like, a week, and then you can get back to…whatever you’re doing.”

Wholenuther stood and Bee took an involuntary step back, remembering on some instinctual level what this man really was and what he was capable of.

“One week?”

“I mean, I’m not sure – ”

“You brought payment, I assume?”

“Get him something to wear his brain out on, he’ll help find your parents.” Grandma’s advice. She stepped closer and held out a Rubik’s cube. To her embarrassment, her hand was still shaking. Wholenuther took the toy and studied it. Then, with an exasperated sigh, he sat down on a tree stump and began twisting the cube’s sides.

“Rusty,” he grunted.

“It’s…plastic?”

“Me, not it! Used to be able to do these in – there we go.” He chucked the completed puzzle back to her. “Not good enough. Pay me more, or find someone else to – ”

“You didn’t finish.” Bee tucked the flashlight under her arm and pulled on the cube’s sides. It came apart in her hands. Within one half she’d hidden a tiny metal sphere, no bigger than a marble. Wholenuther sat up.

“What’s that? Smells Remnant.”

“It is. Fourth Conjunction.” She held it out, then pulled her hand back as he reached for it. “It’s your real payment – if you agree to help me.”

A grin spread across his whiskery face. “Gimme a look first. No tricks, I promise – clearly you’re too smart to be taken for a ride.”

She watched as he rolled the metal ball between his fingers. “The scans my parents did reveal at least two more spheres inside it,” she said, “but there aren’t any seams.”

“So how was it made,” Wholenuther murmured, his gaze fixed on the sphere, “and what does it do?”

“You get to figure that out.”

He studied the sphere for another few moments, then tucked it inside his coat. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Bee Carson.”

“The Carsons’ kid! Why didn’t you say so?”

“You know them?”

“Never met them, but all of us know who the Carsons are. Missing, eh?” He got to his feet and led the way back down the creek. “We’d better get started.”